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Funny Quotes

Found 608 quotes in the topic of Funny .
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"Ah! how annoying that the law doesn't allow a woman to change husbands just as one does shirts." Moliere

Add Category or Author French Playwright Quotes    Funny    Humorous    Husbands    Quote of the Day    Women   

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"All my six husbands married me for different reasons." Hedy Lamarr

Add Category or Author Austrian Actress Quotes    Funny    Humorous   

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"A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick." Ogden Nash

Add Category or Author Funny    Husbands    Marriage   

Ogden Nash

"Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker." Ogden Nash

Add Category or Author American Poet Quotes    Funny    Humorous   

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"An early-rising man is a good spouse but a bad husband." Gabriel Garcia Marquez

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"A good husband is healthy and absent." Japanese Proverbs

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Robin Williams

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." Robin Williams

Add Category or Author American Comedian    American Comedian Quotes    Funny    God    Quote of the Day   

Marilyn Monroe

"Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him." Marilyn Monroe

Add Category or Author American Actress    American Actress Quotes    Editor's Pick    Funny    Love    Marriage    Quote of the Day   

Joan Rivers

"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor." Joan Rivers

Add Category or Author American Comedian    Editor's Pick    Famous    Funny    Quote of the Day   

Marilyn Monroe

"I love to do the things the censors won't pass." Marilyn Monroe

Add Category or Author Funny   

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"Ah Mozart! He was happily married - but his wife wasn't." Victor Borge

Add Category or Author Famous    Funny    Humorous    Marriage   

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"Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life." Daniel Francois Esprit Auber

Add Category or Author Age And Aging    Birthday    Funny    Life    Quote of the Day   

Marilyn Monroe

"It's not true I had nothing on, I had the radio on." Marilyn Monroe

Add Category or Author American Actress    American Actress Quotes    Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

Marilyn Monroe

"It's woman's spirit and mood a man has to stimulate in order to make sex interesting. The real lover is the man who can thrill you by touching your head or smiling into your eyes or just staring into space." Marilyn Monroe

Add Category or Author Funny   

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"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else for us to find." Author Unknown

Add Category or Author Cute Love    Editor's Pick    Facebook    Funny    Love    Quote of the Day    Sweet Love    Valentine's Day   

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"When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets." Author Unknown

Add Category or Author Cute    Funny    Short   

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"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people." Author Unknown

Add Category or Author Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

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"You're never too old to learn something stupid." Author Unknown

Add Category or Author Funny    Quote of the Day    Short   

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"I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either." Author Unknown

Add Category or Author Cute    Funny    Short   

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"The more you think about things, the weirder they seem. Take this milk. Why do we drink *cow* milk?? Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said, I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze 'em!? - Calvin and Hobbes" Bill Watterson

Add Category or Author Funny    Quote of the Day   

Theodore Roosevelt

"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer "Present" or "Not Guilty."" Theodore Roosevelt

Add Category or Author American President Quotes    Funny    Quote of the Day   



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