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Husband Quotes: 10 Years of 'Blissful Love and Happiness' (BLAH)

Posted April 27, 2012 by Denise Gangnes

My 10-year anniversary is the first week of May. It's the second time around for both of us, and considering the trials and tribulations of a blended family with three teenage daughters in the mix, it's somewhat a miracle that we've survived a decade of wedded bliss. It occurred to me that I've been married nearly half of my life (counting 14 years with spouse #1) - which qualifies me to spew forth a few astute observations on the subject - with some humorous husband quotes thrown in from the experts. That's humorous quotes, not humorous husband, mind you.

Extensive perusal of the Love Quotes site has taught me that you can't go wrong with Proverbs quotes. Take the English proverb: "The calmest husbands make the stormiest wives." Agreed. There's nothing more frustrating than a passive partner. The "stuffed shirtedness" of British men is legendary, but I'm here to tell you that they aren't the only Europeans lacking fire in their bellies. Being Irish, I have often been accused of getting "all riled up over nothing," while my Norwegian spouse sits stoically, pondering our latest disagreement with a blank stare indicative of "God's frozen people". It's difficult to argue with someone who suffers from "situational lack of participation" or SLOP, as I call it.

Ogden Nash, the inspired humorist who gave us "candy is dandy but liquor is quicker," is also responsible for "A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick." Lovely concept, but when you're married to a Norseman, you're lucky if they notice that you got 2 inches cut off your hair 3 weeks ago much less offer an assessment of your lipstick application.

Kudos to Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Aracataca's most famous citizen for his observation, "An early-rising man is a good spouse but a bad husband." Wow, does this husband quote hit home. (P.S. Aracata is a small town in Colombia). I often refer to my husband as "Mr. GreenJeans." He spends hours calculating how many rows of corn he can plant and which variety of potato will produce results most quickly. The minute the sun is up on a Saturday morning, he's out with a rake and a shovel ... or worse, a rented tractor. Sometimes I long for the days when we both lived in apartments and there was no garden to tend...much less an acre of it. If only I was of Asian descent and could relate to the Japanese proverb, "A good husband is healthy and absent." Having worked on a Japanese farm as a teen, I remember Mr. Kawaguchi was always in the field, silently working, while Mrs. Kawaguchi was the taskmaster, barking directions and organizing the hired help.

Let's turn to Molière's quote, "Ah! How annoying that the law doesn't allow a woman to change husbands just as one does shirts." Anyone who has guffawed at one of his fabulously farcical plays knows that this was a playwright who masterfully juggled complicated scenarios, but I wouldn't recommend his advice. If you've walked down the aisle multiple times, you have undoubtedly called your current spouse by the ex's name from time to time. I can't imagine how Hedy Lamarr managed to cope with this conundrum. She admits, "All my six husbands married me for different reasons." Six husbands? That's what I call a huge pile of dirty laundry.

Yes, my weekend farmer husband certainly has his share of dirty laundry, but I thank my lucky stars that I didn't marry a weekend golfer, that he puts up with ever-expanding waistline, and that he never complains about those department store charges on our bank account. Whoever said "the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence," was probably married to a Norwegian.
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